The reality of the Invisible Wall
It felt like this impenetrable barrier between us.
I’d been dumped by boyfriends in the past but this felt far worse.
The shock of it felt like rock bottom after everything I'd been through.
I even considered selling my boys and getting out of the horse worldaltogether.
But that really wasn’t an option as I loved them with all my heart and couldn’t stand the rejection.
So I made the decision that I was going to figure out how to break down this
Wall and truly connect with them.
I didn’t care how long it took or how hard it might be.
I wanted them to WANT to be with me FOR ME, not for food.
I thought that if I tried some training exercises that this might help.
I obviously couldn't walk so I got my Mom to be my legs while I gave instructions to her, Jazz and Apollo.
The arrangement kinda worked and the boys performed well enough but I wasn't interested in just getting their cooperation.
We persevered though and tried all the usual training tactics as round pen work, lunging, long line, and liberty work.
And I thought we were making some progress until...
My illusions were shattered (again)
One day we were out training, doing some intense round pen work when we must have pushed them too hard...
And Apollo totally freaked out.
He went into a bucking fit during which he accidentally kicked my wheelchair and sent me sprawling to the ground.
After we'd all calmed down and dusted ourselves off we assessed the damage.
Nobody was hurt and apart from some minor scrapes on my wheelchair the only thing that was seriously dented were my hopes.
The incident made me realise that Jazz and Apollo had only been cooperating with us because we'd been making them, not because they wanted to or were enjoying it.
This felt so far away from the kind of partnership I was looking for that I began to feel really down again and all those thoughts of quitting came flooding back.
None of the usual training methods were working and I couldn’t figure out why.
And just as I seemed destined to fail...
The breakthrough came...